Breaking Selfies – How I'm Learning to Love My Face

The crunch underneath my well heeled foot seemed to echo before I had realized what I'd done. My glasses. My poor poor glasses. I had been left for blind, cursing at the corner of the street and calling my weekend ruined. Monday morning and I had come to a conclusion. Screw the glasses, I wanted something different. CONTACT LENSES. This may not seem like much, but to me it was a step in the direction of a whole lotta face.

I’d been wearing glasses since I was 13. There had been a riding trend of eyewear at school and for once I could be a participant. I can’t remember what the make was, just gold hexagon type things with salmon pink arms. So FASHION. I hadn’t been with out a pair since. My face cut forever in to thirds.

I mean I’ve worn contact lenses before, usually for special occasions or particularly wild weekends out. But one week in to my daily use and I found myself constantly staring at my reflection. Just looking. Learning of pores and bumps, cheeks and marks I’d never really noticed before. I had never been one with a beauty regiment and all of a sudden this bothered me. It bothered me that I didn’t care what mascara I used, or what lipstick shade looked good on me. It bothered me that I would use any old face lotion and scrubs to scratch away at my skin. But what bothered me most was that I didn’t want to really see myself. I had used my glasses as a way of shielding the world from seeing me and I them. Therefore happily sitting in my own bubble of self-consciousness - which I hadn’t even realized I had built around myself.

This then shocked me, because I carried myself as someone that didn’t get caught up in the fad diets and must have potions and lotions. I’d laugh these things off! All along I was just ignoring the lot because I didn’t want to settle my own truth.

• Do I think I’m beautiful? Pretty? Can I say it out loud? 
• Why was this so difficult for me to think about? 
• Why was I finding this so silly? 

My reaction to push against the outside (media, environment, Mother’s preachings, etc) had led to me avoiding the bigger picture. My Self had taken a beating and I hadn’t even realized it. That long awaited wake up call is what I really needed.

I’m still not one with a heavy beauty regiment but I do respect the face my mama gave me. I’m learning to love it and lather it in vitamin c and soon I’ll wear the lipstick that I bought just spring without cringing and maybe use a little eyeliner now and then. Everyday I practice my posture and promise to hold my Self up with pride. My phone is now loaded with selfies and not just photos of my cat! I mean I woke up like this #flawless.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I believe that one part of being a woman is truly believing that you are beautiful. Both inside and out. CHEESEFEST I KNOW. But I’m working on it.